Shit-Stain

By now, you all know how Chives carries out his days. For the most part, Monday-Sunday start and end the exact same way: a very expensive glass contraption in-hand while I inhale, then subsequently exhale God's Medicine, into my apartment's living room.

That is my college apartment life. Now, due to a great opportunity, I will be back in Houston for about 4 days a week, living with my parents during those times. Does that mean I have to stop blazing all day everyday? Motherfuck no. However, it does mean that I have to stop smoking up to an eighth A DAY. My tolerance is gonna be some kind of low when I make those weekly trips to CS to upkeep my apartment.

For maintaining the Chives way of life in a limited and supervised environment, I had to get creative. Through lots of experimenting, I have found a tolerable method to get high no matter the time of day, or number of people in the house.

Collect your jaws off of the floor, amateurs.

So in trying to further perfect the art of blazing at my parents house like I'm in middle school, I looked for some extra ways to contain the resinous smell of dank. A tried and true technique is to use a fogged up bathroom that has just been showered in (the moisture will absorb the smoke, rather than allow to linger). Since I do a majority of the secret-blazing IN the bathroom, this was a good idea.

My next idea came moments after the scenario described above. I thought, "hey, I know a wet towel is supposed to help contain the smell of Mary Jane's sweet pussy, I'll try blowing into this freshly soaked towel from my shower…"

Genius, right? Wrong.

One thing about smoking joints or out of a pipe….RESIN. There is ZERO water to help with the tar and carcinogens that permeate the air around amateur smokers. Consequently, the smoke that's blown out of a joint or dry pipe, is literally thicker with said tar.

So I take the hit, reach for the towel, exhale…no smell. So I move my head back to reveal a mark…like the ones you left on every pair of Batman briefs from childhood.

This shit (no pun intended) does not just wash out. This towel is forever fucked.