Tuesday, May 10, 2011

The General Pussification of the NBA

The Lakers were swept by the motherfucking Mavs. This really happened. Damnit.

So I'm not writing about games 1-3, only that pathetic excuse of a basketball game I've seen since the Rockets lost to the Mavs by 40 in game 7. No...this is a point about how the Gucci frames, bow-ties, and Bentley's have ruined the NBA. Also known as, The Pussification.

The Pussification has been happening for a while now...probably solidified when Lebron and Wade came into the NBA and gave guard-play a new sense of flashiness. I feel like the NBA in general was rejuvenated by Lebron coming in and sparking excitement....and the waves of endorsement deals. The NBA had to basically neuter itself to project its new image of Jay-Z sitting courtside, giving dab to Lebron and Wade every time they trot their asses up and down the court. Peyton Manning doesn't high five the Colts' biggest fan after throwing a TD. Even bitchass showoffs like Chad Johnson keep their celebrations on the field, where it was earned and where it is deserved. NBA players? Motherfuckers get fouled and look all hard into the stands...like they are gonna do anything but march their asses to the line and take their shots. Bitch please. Tyson Chandler, Kobe, Chris Paul, GARNETT, Paul Pierce....the list continues...Just ONE time I'd like to see one of these pre-modonnas take a swing, instead of walking towards each other like some high school brats.


I love how Andrew Bynum thinks that playing 10% of an NBA season is earning his salary (he's due an absurd $15.2Million next year?!), but this guy couldn't be more confused. First, he throws Pau under the bus for sucking ass...Hey Andrew, the Lakers would be ringless these last few years without Gasol. Fuck you AND the fans for complaining. This guy Bynum was drafted out of high school, and physically still looks exactly the same - prepubescent. It goes without saying his brain probably stopped developing shortly after birth. He probably came out his heifer of a mom, dumb as a brick and has clearly stayed dumb as a brick.

I fucking hate Dirk and the Mavs, and even I think that what happened yesterday was the worst thing since Carmelo punched Jerrod Jeffries and ran away like the bitch he is. Dirk always seems like an alright guy off the court, in interviews and things like that...but something about stepping on the court transforms him from nice German guy, to a feminine, Jew-murdering Nazi.

All NBA players do is dress up for games, go out there and bark at each other like some bitch chihuahuas. I'm really glad that Bynum and Lamar embarrassed themselves on national TV, because now more people will see why I talk shit about all NBA players. Tyson Chandler and Jason Terry act like they just won the Finals after every rebound, foul, or three-pointer. De'Shawn Stephenson?!!!? CHRIST this fucking guy. The next NOBODY-of-an-NBA-player to throw up the "3" after hitting a three-pointer deserves to DIE........DIE NOW DE'SHAWN.

Finally, to that bitch Russel Westbrook...the newest member of this group o' douche. This guy is like when Robin went rogue and became a bad guy, started selling drugs and actually killing the bad guys, instead of tying em up for police like Batman does. The most annoying thing about this guy is his fucking demeanor after EVERY field goal made. He's like Garnett, in that he act likes he's gonna get into a fight for making a basket...they stare at the hand, or make some screwface and starting talking shit into the crowd...like anyone can hear what the fuck he is shouting. Also, like anyone gives a shit.

I could go on and on and ON with examples of NBA players being BROADS.

*Not that I advocate fighting and shit, especially for millionaire role model athletes. But if you're like the players, and you're talking mad shit and getting in people's faces all the time. They just annoy me and slow the game down. The fact of the matter is, most of these guys (specifically the fags I mentioned) deserve to get their teeth knocked out.

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