Tuesday, June 14, 2011

The Dismantling of Vince Young

Vince partying shirtless with shirtless Bubba and roadies
Yesterday, via Blackberry, Vince Young tweeted this:

" bother can't wait to we win so we can laugh n these hater faces. But they forget we r winning off the field"

VY added: "@KingJames and off court"

I'm going to break down every word of this fucking statement. But first let me educate y'all to a little history of my deep rooted hate for this moron. It started with Roy Williams being a diva WR since day one. I couldn't stand Williams' hype and all that shit, because unlike you, I know better when it comes to Longhorn players; they're all pampered premadonnas. It was that UT team, those players on that team, and the AWFUL fucking "fans" of that team, that eventually culminated in a blinding hate for Vince Young. His fans…my god. To this day, I don't even think Tebow fans were as bad as VY's minions. None of them ever listened to me when I was 15 fucking years old telling them that VY's game would never translate to the NFL. I knew that and said it about a thousand times a day. No one listened. In fact, not only did stupid ass VY supporters disagree and argue with me, but would act as if I was speaking some kind of heresy. Seriously, family and friends would get legitimately pissed at me for telling them that VY was a burnt orange cunt-stain.

Shit is about to get weird
It Took a Tweet:

Vince: in what way are you winning? Your life has been an absolute embarrassment since old man Kerry Collins superseded you as a starter and led the Titans to 13 wins. How are you in ANY way relatable to LeBron? You never made it to a Superbowl (never will, not as a starter) and you've never earned a prowl appearance. Hell…you weren't even the first overall pick of your draft class (OR THE SECOND). Next, how are you "winning off the field"? Have you signed a new contract or something? We all know your ass doesn't have any money left. Jobless college students have more income coming from their nonexistent employers than Vince has left in the bank. Also, you use a Blackberry? Faggot.

Vince spelled "brother" as "bother" when addressing his superior, Lebron. Then follows it up with "cant wait to we win", as if I forgot him accepting the national championship trophy. Even if Vince ever did win literally ANYTHING again, if he laughed in THIS hater's face, I would laugh right back. Vince sounds like a clown when he talks. AWLL DA WAY T' TEXIS, BAYYYBAY! Finally, the cherry on top of the SHIT-pie that is Vince, was him sending an additional tweet saying "and off court". This is clearly Vince trying to outsmart us. Vince is a bonafide retard, and he attempts to clarify the most obvious thing ever to an equally retarded athlete. Turns out even when VY is just trying to come off a little less stupid, he ended up reaffirming his idiocy. Also, VYs twitter avatar is him all burnt orange'd out and UT'd up...let it go, bitch. It was a long time ago for you. Not in reality, but bro, you have taken a long fall to the bottom. You're as shitty a pro as you are because you're still holding onto the period in your life when you were still worth a shit. Times have changed, Vince.

Further Dissection of a Bitchmade:

Vince graduated from Madison High School in Houston. Fortunately, my good friend is dating a girl that graduated from there. You know what that school has framed in the cafeteria as if it was some monument? A $1000 check from VY, made out to the school. A thousand dollars. That was cash from his rookie contract($58mil) in which he made almost $40 million in guaranteed money, and he only donated $1000 to the school that made sure he stayed on the football field? I hope VY's dick is ripped off by Pillowpants the next time he sticks it in one of the Hellraisers' asses.

Yeah, my nigga...yeah.
I won't necessarily spend too much time capping on VY for his Wonderlic score (6), but I will say this: I took that test in an experiment for a marketing class. It's not easy, but you basically get 6 points for writing your name on it. I'm sure even he could write in his name, R-A-D-I-O.

Vince's entire NFL career has been a failure of David Carr-like proportions (YEAH I SAID IT). At least David is under contract with a team, and as unjustifiable as it is, will be competing for a starting position in San Francisco. He's FAR from serviceable, but it says something that he's on a team while VY is tweeting about "winning". Both have a career completion percentage of 57.9%. Vince has 42 TD passes to 42 INTs. Carr has 65 TDs to 71 INTs. David Carr has 1331 career yards rushing (nearly ALL of it coming from his time in Houston); Vince has 1380 career rushing yards. Scrambling and rushing was the ONE thing VY had going for him! Factor in that David Carr played behind arguably history's worst offensive lines, and I'd say he has been the more successful NFL quarterback BY FAR.


Not only would I throw the horns down in Vince's ugly face, but I would bend him over, and give him the horns down, Shocker-style. One horn in his pussy, and one in his loosened butthole.

Closing Thoughts, Final Serving:

Before you fucking people even think of responding, remember this: I don't care if VY ran in the game-winning touchdown for a national championship. He is the epitome of immaturity, and therefore any wins he accounted for for a corrupt university/athletic department are null in my eyes. He was an UNBELIEVABLE college QB, he was pretty much one the top 5 players I've ever seen. Does that make him less of a bitch? No. If being GOD at sports can't help LeBron, then Vince has NO chance. And that's my point entirely: Where does VY get off comparing himself to arguably the world's most recognizable athlete? If LeBron showed up in China, he'll be welcomed by literally BILLIONS of adoring fans. If VY got off the same plane, the Chinese would declare war against America. Vince is only lowering the public's perception of him by trying to cling onto the world's most hated athlete. VY, you're not a superstar…you're not on the same plane as LeBron…even Chris Bosh is more respected and better paid than you. Don't ever forget this, Vince: you are an utter failure. Fucking up when you're broke and young is one thing, fucking up when you're a professional athlete with millions of dollars is just unacceptable to me.

By the way, what team is Vince playing for next season? What about Mario Williams?

Mmmm…That's what the fuck I thought.


55 comments:

  1. Hilarious post. I think vince had the talent to be successful just didnt have the mentality to handle criticism/coaching. That 1000.00 check story was awesome.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ironic. The aggie that wants to be black more than anything in the world, hating on black Jesus.

    ReplyDelete
  3. First of all, let me welcome the Lance Zeirlein blog trolls who wish to remain anonymous. I have clearly made it to The Show, as they say.

    As for me wanting to be black, what makes you say that? Because I'm not white? Because I don't get berated or beat up if I say "nigga"? Because I say FUCK THE MAN? What is it, Anonymous #3?

    Also, thanks for taking the time to read the longest rant I ever posted to my blog. You're more dedicated to being a hater than I am. Kudos, Anonymous #3...kudos.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Also...did you just call VY "Black Jesus"? There's aborted black babies higher on that list than Vince Young.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Aggy inferiority complex and pee-pee envy always shows
    and wtf is a PreMadonna? Dumbass

    ReplyDelete
  6. ^^I'm pretty sure you are @BusemisDentist. What's up, friend?

    You're asking me what a premadonna is, and then call ME a dumbass?

    Do you see the irony here, mini-Vince?

    ReplyDelete
  7. the term is 'prima donna', referring to the first singer in an opera, not 'prior to 80s pop star madonna'. but nice try, mental midget...
    ask your boy granato what it means-he's italian

    ReplyDelete
  8. This is Fucking awsome, Chives dont let the man get you down!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Then there you go, I stand corrected. However, irony still exists. You're calling me a mental midget by defending arguably the world's stupidest athlete.

    ReplyDelete
  10. yo anonymous blind fucks go
    To CHiVeS heLl

    ReplyDelete
  11. #chivesgospel #chivesgospel #thetruth

    ReplyDelete
  12. q: what do longhorns and aggy have in common?
    a; they both applied to The University of Texas

    ReplyDelete
  13. Your fucking right about that check my man I was a fellow Madison student WTF 1000 dollars same thoughts same thoughts

    ReplyDelete
  14. Vince young = chives hell

    ReplyDelete
  15. Poooor Longhorns... Get beat by Baylor, Iowa St, etc... at home and now the realities of your "hero" are being exposed.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I have a 40 year old gangster uncle that didn't finish high school and he is a much more successful QB not to mention he drinks with his shirt on smh..

    ReplyDelete
  17. Longhorn's don't worry, Blake Gideon will remove the shit stain Vince left on all your faces.

    ReplyDelete
  18. I don't think I know of a university that is more afraid of failure than UT and its student/fans.

    Longhorns are told from their freshman year that EVERYONE wants to attend UT, and if someone disagrees or hates UT, just repeat the line "he/she didn't get accepted".

    It's hilarious and sad that Longhorns actually think Aggies are the "brainwashed" ones.

    ReplyDelete
  19. "To be honest with you, I think I got more of an education in high school."
    -Antoine Wright
    Wright detailed an academic career spent in classes like "Floral Design" and "Poultry Science" featuring "a quarterback, me, a running back, and a farmer."
    "Agricultural Leadership And Development," a major Wright has called out as mostly fictional. A&M football stars and scrubs alike -- like Reggie McNeal, Kellen Heard, and Courtney Lewis -- seem to develop a robust interest in raising livestock once they matriculate at A&M
    Wright repeatedly states that he "just had to get a grade now" and that "we're not really trying to learn about chickens." Most damningly, he describes organized cheating from old exams.

    ReplyDelete
  20. First, I agree with your overarching theme that VY is a bitch. He has the emotional stability and mental capacity of a twelve year old waterhead. That being said, I appreciate the irony of a sad, miserably pathetic, racist fuck cunt running a blog that gets 43 unique hits a day calling VY a loser at life.

    VY has no money? While it is true that VY is a black professional athlete, your stereotyping does not apply, as he is not broke. Nigga owns what was recently named the best athlete-owned restaurants (http://sports.yahoo.com/top/news?slug=ys-dailymeal-best_athlete_owned_restaurants_042111). Dude is also a sausage link mogel. And in life he metaphorically crams his girthy, likely uncircumcised sausage in and around your unkempt brown eye.

    Let it go? The guy won an MNC against a team dubbed the greatest team ever because they fielded two Heisman trophy winners that were going for a three-peat. Strike that, he didn't just win. That implies being along for the ride, or not making mistakes, or making just enough plays to keep you in the game. No, what VY did was lay down what has been argued to be the greatest individual performance in the history of college football in a game that has been argued to be the greatest football game in the history of college football. And that's not hyperbole; it is a straight fucking fact. Who gives a shit if it was in college? The man should never forget what he accomplished. He has earned that right. Hell, I know guys that are wildly successful in the professional world whose proudest moments were when they played on a team that won an SWC championship, or when they simply played in a bowl game. It is something that lives with you. And I'm sure you still relive your college glory days. There probably isn't a day that goes by in your embarrassment of a life that you don't think back about that one time in college that you roofied a svelte piece of trim, took her back to your rape room and unclothed her, took a step back to take in the majestic beauty of her inexplicably perspiring gunt, and then went to work on her for an intense minute and a half while you boorishly barked out indecipherable words indicative of your enjoyment. It was undoubtedly the last time you stuck your dick in a real life female. We, VY included, can only hope that encounter did not result in a highly functional retarded offspring, or we're all fucked.

    ReplyDelete
  21. hahah lots of horns with their feelings hurt this morning. you guys are drowning.

    ReplyDelete
  22. I'm sorry you call yourself an Aggie. You may have some good points in there, but it's too juvenile to read through. Freaky is right...you're just another internet tough guy with an vile mouth on him. I'm not sure how you got into the A&M business school (not sure I believe it), but don't apply for a job at my company, we have standards.

    ReplyDelete
  23. @Irony, they name is Chives: That reply was retarded. For you to think for one second that I'm racist towards blacks, you're the biggest fucking retard ever. I don't know what race you are, but I promise I will take it into consideration. I made racist jokes cuz I see the oppression in the world by The Man, so I dont need to hear some random nigga callin ME a racist.

    I'll say whatever fucking words I want, about any race, any time I feel like it. I am only racist against The Man, whatever color they fucking are.

    ReplyDelete
  24. @ANOTHERanonymous: What company do you work for? I want to make sure I dont waste a second of my fucking life applying for your place of work.

    Second of all, since when is having a vile mouth considered tough ready internet thug? I say fuck a lot, so I write when I type. So fuck yeah.

    ReplyDelete
  25. I'm simply calling out your assumption that since VY is a black professional athlete he must be nigger rich and not have anything in the bank. Not to mention because he is black and not smart he is compared to the only retarded black person you can think of. While you may not be racist, you aren't a particularly smart or creative dune nigger.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Never have made that assumption in my life. Monetarily, my life is worth A BILLION times less than VY's. However, he is a retard. Just because he happens to be black, doesn't mean I will back off.

    I have seen black people in my life, Im not from Antarctica. People are just fucking people, RETARDS ARE RETARDS, regardless of color. Understand me?

    Anybody who came up less fortunate in THIS country, has the tendency to spend a lot of money as soon as they get it. Whites, blacks, latins, WHAT THE FUCK EVER. It's an American thing.

    ReplyDelete
  27. As a business owner, you are welcome to apply for a job with my business.

    ReplyDelete
  28. "Aggies helping Aggies"

    All the businesses owned and operated by butt-hurt readers, list your company name so I know who to write another BLISTERING post about.

    I'm just playing, but I definitely never want to work for you.

    ReplyDelete
  29. I'm not a VY fan or hater, but I do need you to realize that your actions are that of which you accuse VY of...being bitch made and pussy. Men don't type these feelings, they let that man know. My name is Clenard Dow...see how easy that was.

    ReplyDelete
  30. you agrots who think a single 9 win season means you invented football neeed a serious history lesson. Texas won 10+ for 9 straight seasons, won a crystal football, played for another one, and got screwed out of playing for still another. And have won 2 other BCS bowl games. Aggy hasnt won a bowl game since the galleryfurniture.com game in 2001. Agricultural is irrelevant, and will always be the red-headed booger-eating little brother.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Wussup Clenard.

    Since you're claiming I'm a bitch for calling VY hurtful names (which I'm sure you all are more offended by then VY would be), in which way am I supposed to tell him to fuck himself?

    Do I ring his doorbell and tell him? Do I surround him like all of you adoring fans when he is beating people up at strip clubs? Do I call him on his cell phone? What medium do you suggest I call him out?

    Common sense. I am basically a nobody in the grand scheme of things, as are you, so how do you suggest I vent? Fuck off my blog if you don't like the shit, it's not being written and posted for anybody in specific.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Lots of longhorn butthurt. Preparation-H stock just rose because of this blog. Awesome!

    ReplyDelete
  33. "...will always be the red-headed booger-eating little brother"

    Actually A&M is UT's older brother, but thanks for playing.

    ReplyDelete
  34. This post made the longhorn on the shirt I'm wearing today shed a tear.

    ReplyDelete
  35. SEC. 10. The Legislature shall, as soon as practicable, establish, organize and provide for the maintenance, support and direction of a university of the first class, to be located by a vote of the people of this State, and styled "The University of Texas," for the promotion of literature, and the arts and sciences, including an agricultural and mechanical department.
    SEC. 13. The Agricultural and Mechanical College of Texas, established by an act of the Legislature, passed April 17, 1871, located in the county of Brazos, is hereby made, and constituted a branch of the University of Texas, for instruction in agriculture, the mechanic arts and the natural sciences connected therewith.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Sorry Chives but I think Anonymous is trying to say your business degree is null & void because of some laws passed 140 years ago.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Seriously...what the fuck was the point of that? I hope that guy feels retarded for looking through ancient and irrelevant Texas legislation.

    Sorry, Anonymous, but laws passed in the slave days you love to hear about so much aren't coming back.

    Get back to sucking Jim Crowe's cock (if you can even locate that tiny caucasian cock).

    ReplyDelete
  38. Lol, 1870's weren't the slave days. It looks like a degree in farming doesn't leave a lot of time for history...

    ReplyDelete
  39. seeing as to your obviously limited reading comprehension skills, I will help you out- the Constitition of Texas is written such that aggy is a branch or department where you can learn how to fix tractors and why cow manure smells bad...then there is a university of the FIRST class (specifying that means that the other one is not) named The University of Texas

    also, 1871 was postbellum, sorry..., AFTER the Civil War, so it has nothing to do with slavery

    ReplyDelete
  40. Do they teach you white people at UT that slavery ended after 1860 when the Civil War ended? I don't need a history lesson from either of you "anonymous" dirtbags.

    Slavery is practically still around in this country, it's just more subtle. But you wouldn't know a damn thing about it; someone who thinks that America became this big rainbow fuckfest after the Civil War is either a racist or a moron. I think you're both.

    Anything you post in response will be deleted promptly. I deal with enough stupid Texans in College Station; all the stuck up ones go to UT and hone their blowjob skills.

    Also, I bet you think the Civil Rights Movement was about jazz music or something. You're a racist piece of redneck shit.

    :)

    ReplyDelete
  41. Hi, I am Cunt Stain, and I am REALLY, REALLY, REALLY fucking offended that you would compare Vince Young to me. I may be disgusting, but I don't deserve this bullshit.

    ReplyDelete
  42. "butthurt"? "thanks for playing"? Unfunny rants riddled with basic spelling errors and ad homs? Why did Lance Z. link to a high school kid's blog?

    ReplyDelete
  43. Lot's of t-sip butthurt in the comments

    ReplyDelete
  44. "why cow manure smells bad..."

    Well, how about you explain in chemical terms why that is smartass, since you seem to be enamored with the "first class university"

    I'll wait patiently while you google it because your "education" at Texas State was awful and you're a t-shirt fan of the sips and you know nothing whatsoever about biochemistry

    ReplyDelete
  45. I think we need one more douchebag longhorn fan, still wearing his MNC shit from years ago, clutching his vince young jersey, to comment on this.

    ReplyDelete
  46. Don't be bovinephobic... they were born that way. Don't judge them because they are different.

    ReplyDelete
  47. Don't be bovinephobic. They were born that way. Don't judge them because they are different.

    ReplyDelete
  48. Even Gawker thinks this comment thread is amazing.

    ReplyDelete
  49. Slow down Anonymous GANGSTAS!!! Chives is not racists for thinking Vince Young is OVERRATED and weak minded and cheap. Numbers don't lie people Vince's TD to INT ratio is terrible point blank period and he is a weak minded QB and has a bad work ethic. I know I know since he is black and I'm black I'm suppose to ride for him right? WRONG. Guess what black people OJ did it and Michael Jackson slept with little boys and unfortunately Tupac is gone and Vince is not a good pro. Longhorns fans let it GO, Vince WAS a beast in college but that was years ago and has done very little in the NFL. Chives has no problem with Vince's race people its stuck up Longhorns fans shoving Vince down people throats like he is the second coming

    ReplyDelete
  50. Even mentally insane people can get into UT:
    http://www.click2houston.com/news/28249072/detail.html

    ReplyDelete
  51. This is @_Derec checking in. Dear Mr. And Mrs. Anonymous 1, 2, and 3, back the fuck off. As much as I HATE everything A&M, Chives is correct. VY is a dumb fucking idiot with the IQ of the diarrhea shit I just took. He further cemented himself into a life of failure when his pathetic mouth uttered the words "awwww dream team." Come on. Longhorns are fags. Everybody knows it. And most aggies are the same way. Just get over your big-brother syndrome wannabe asses up there in Austin and accept the fact that you're probably going to live a life of failure.



    Long live UH motha fuckas

    ReplyDelete