Monday, June 6, 2011

Facebook: The Worst Country on Earth

Facebook is an illusion:

It said I had 50 friends…or 90 or 100 or some shit. You know why I can't remember? It's not because I deleted it a year ago, it's because I've never had 50 friends in my entire life. Shit…I barely even know 50 people in real life. And yet everyday I opened that Facebook nonsense up, I saw "status updates" from lots of people: lots of people I probably only knew the names of until Facebook.

I get the argument of wanting to keep in touch with people, but I live in College Station, and pretty much everyone I know DOESN'T live there, so it just upsets me to see all their bullshit posted on FB all day, everyday.

Sorry, Friends of Chives, but I don't give a fuck how much fun last Friday night was. Oh…why? Because I wasn't there, and I don't need to hear about how much fun was had without me. Why is that such a hard thing for people to understand?

People LITERALLY sell body parts to get iPhones, and what's the PRIMARY FUCKING THING 90% of you dirtbags use it for? Checking your goddamn Facebook. Dumbass broads, worthless fucking moron guys….do they know how CAPABLE the iPhone is? I literally have the world in the palm of my hand, so I just cannot understand the vast majority using it only to see what their other stupidass friends are doing.

Tagging. Poking. Walls. And Worst of All, the Fucking Pictures:

All of you creepy fucks truly have only ONE reason for using that bullshit website: to obsessively stalk the pictures of your Facebook buddies. When I had a FB, I had one picture that I posted. It was a picture of me in a beanie covering most of eyes, I was wearing matching grey sweats, headphones, and smoking weed out of a modified Fanta can. That was all anybody was getting if they went to my shit. Other pictures of me would surface from other people uploading them, and then "tagging" me. Fucking dumb as all hell.

To be honest, I never really feel comfortable going through someone's FB pictures. Even if I know them pretty well, it's just creepy to me. And that's all you fucking people do!!!!

What Facebook ACTUALLY Is:

Facebook is just a way for people to deceive the rest of the world about who they really are. Listing your favorite this and that, putting up an entire personal profile just to skew the person you really are. I have a Twitter that is basically an alter-ego of sorts. I promote Chives with it. Chives is not necessarily the same fucking guy when I'm out in the real world. And none of you motherfuckers are…and that's what separates Twitter from Facebook.

There is an understanding that Twitter is a vehicle for creativity and more importantly, it gives people a voice they wouldn't necessarily have. I can say what I want on Twitter, because I'm just ChivesMcGee. But If I said the same shit in the hallways of Texas A&M, do you think I would be a free man, blogging right now? Fuck no. The same goes for Facebook: you have to skew your posts, comments, ect. because the whole world will look at your Facebook page whenever they are curious.

Closing Thought:

One thing that is really upsetting about Facebook, is that it will be the death of the traditional conversation. For example, you haven't seen an old friend in a while, but you've been his friend on FB the whole time. What do they talk about? They have nothing to catch up on or anything, as they have watched each other's lives through status updates and pictures. I won't have this problem like close to 700million other people because I don't have a FB page. All my friends do is talk about conversations they've had on FB. In the halls at school or in class, everyday I hear, "Did you see what they said on FB?" or "Just look on FB, I put it there". BASICALLY they're saying they would rather interact through a website, rather than in person. That's fucking stupid, and with people doing this new FB instant messaging…Christ. Social networking is about to RIP actual social life.

***Note to my friends: I love you all more than you know, but y'all are fags with the Facebook thing. So there's that.


  1.'re saying don't click the "Post to Facebook" button at the bottom of the article?

  2. Hell no. Post this on Mark Zuckerburg's Facebook if it means spreading Chives Gospel.

    One of my friends feels like deleting his FB page after reading this lol