Friday, July 22, 2011

The SOTW Roundup

Here is a new series on the Church, The SOTW Roundup. It is your run-of-the-mill link dump from a man who loves to scour the web for trippy articles. This is a beta post; we will be evolving this with every post, so keep up with it. As for now, enjoy the first installment:

-Women’s sports are not fun to watch. Soccer is not fun to watch. Women's soccer? I’d rather watch the Lifetime network, which is pretty much the same thing. END THE GODDAMN LOCKOUT!

 -There’s nothing funnier than pictures of monkeys, but pictures of monkeys taking pictures of themselves? Priceless. How long until monkeys start taking over Myspace and post emo pics?

-Getting fined for texting and driving is completely understandable. Getting fined for texting and walking? You gotta be fucking kidding me! We’re just a few more dumbass laws away from being fined for swearing, listening to commercial jingles for entertainment, and renaming every restaurant Taco Bell. Anyone know how to use the three seashells?

-Ever considered doing standup comedy? President Obama shows you how brutal the world of standup comedy can be. 

-According to the Wall Street Journal, bloggers and new media technology workers are taking over the rent of Manhattan apartments, sending financial workers elsewhere. I call bullshit seeing as how I have never met a blogger who can pay rent for a shitty apartment in Kansas City. Unless by “bloggers” they mean “trust fund babies who have a blogspot account.”

-If you haven’t been under the impression that music is officially dead, you will now. 
Interesting fact: leopards attack other mammals…including humans! Don’t these cats know they’re inferior to us? Apparently not. Especially the leopard in the last picture…holy fuck!

-GQ came out with their douchiest colleges list. With the exception of Florida being included, it’s a terrible list. Ivy League schools shouldn’t count (too easy). And MIT??? These are the anti-douchebags of the world! Where is UCLA?!?! Oh wait…someone check where the writers got their college degrees!

-Every goddamn week there’s a video of a fight on a New York subway, which supports my theory that NYC is a shitty place to live. This week, someone lets their baby roll away in order to engage in a meaningless fight. I hope Child Services strips her of that child. Not like that child is in line to become the next great senator.

-Good news! We are all drunks! Nearly 25% of Americans binge drink, which explains why I have been getting laid more often. I was considering quitting drinking, but if I’m in good company, fuck it.

-Not only are we all a bunch of drunks, but we’re also horny as hell. Sales of sex toys are skyrocketing. With everyone getting drunk and owning dildos and Fleshlights®, this is a world I can definitely live in. 

-Did anyone else know about 51-year-old star of Lost Doug Hutchison marrying a 16-year-old singer, Courtney Stodden? I didn’t until I saw this video, and I must say, she is fucking hot. Many people are up in arms about the young age of Courtney and the relatively old age of Doug, but after looking at this chick (who looks and acts like she’s in her 20s), I get it. Now if you’ll excuse me, Chris Hansen is at my door.

-The ‘HOLY SHIT, WTF?!?!?!” vid/pic of the week goes to this 13-year-old and his failed attempt to be a ninja.

-Beating up a mother with two autistic children is pretty weak. Well, it happened. This lady should be locked up for life. I seriously doubt she’s going to be “rehabilitated” and go on to serve the community in a positive manner.

-Before you complain about AIDS and cancer, are you doing anything to find a cure? Don’t worry. Neither are our scientists. However, if you have been wondering if there is a correlation between penis size and being a top or bottom during gay sex correlation between penis size and being a top or bottom during gay sex , you’re in luck. That National Institute of Health has concluded that gay men with small penises are bottoms, while large gay men are tops. For the sake of comfort, I would have guessed the other way around. Then again, I’m not a gay dude, so what do I know. Again, I’M NOT A GAY DUDE!

For more funny shit, listen to Soundtrack of the Week at or find us on iTunes. Follow us on Twitter at @SOTWpodcast. Or you can be a dick and don’t.   

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