Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Texas A&M: Traditions in Ignorance

We have a problem here in Aggieland. The (white) folks who run shit and always have, feel the incessant need to try and keep this very prestigious university and the town that is built around it in the 1870's, when the school was founded. 

It should be made clear I'm quite unfamiliar with the majority of Aggie traditions I want to do away with, and I really don't think that weakens my stance.  

When TAMU is brought up nationally, all you ever here is "Kyle Field and traditions." There's nothing wrong with that first thing, because it is badass having such an iconic home field, however, there is EVERYTHING wrong that second thing. When your traditions make you look like an idiot, it's time to drop them. Also, College Station is widely known as one of the most conservative, and therefore ignorant, towns in the entire country.

Nationally televised games really only show two groups of Aggies (both of them equally embarrassing): The fucking Yell Leaders and the ROTC/Core of Cadets with their stupid ugly girlfriends. I'll start with the Yell Leaders. There's four or five of these assholes, and they walk around campus and town like they own shit. Can you imagine that if at your university, you had another group of guys who weren't popular athletes? Now imagine that those guys were male cheerleaders. My school has a bunch of Rick Perrys and George Bushs walking around dressed in military pants and goofy cardigans. This is a tradition that NEEDS to go. They have fucking ELECTIONS for these guys, as if they didn't have big enough heads. As for the Cadets getting all the unnecessary shine during games, I suspect that is just ESPN and friends being assholes and redneck'ing Texas up, along with showing the one remaining cowboy left in Texas who rides a horse. 

There is Silver Taps, there is that thing, there is Muster, there is that other thing. I was just informed that there were talks of adding a bar in the newly renovated (AND UBER LEGENDARY, YOU GUYS) Memorial Student Center. They decided against it. The reason? It's a memorial and that is fucking with our goddamn traditions and that is just not gonna happen. They did put Saint Arnold on tap, though!!! THE FUCKING SAINT ARNOLD ROOT BEER. Even UH has a bar in the student hangout center. THE FUCKING UNIVERSITY OF HOUSTON. That fact is unacceptable. 

Now, while I've dogged the traditions, there is a couple that I DID proudly participate in. The Aggie Ring and the subsequent dunking of the ring. Our class ring here is better than yours, because it actually means something in the world. Sorry to break it to you so brashly, Faghorns and others. The day you get that ring, you dunk it in a 60oz pitcher of beer and chug that shit till the ring hits your mouth, at which point it's yours forever. I did that successfully and went to yet another shameful tradition of A&M, Northgate, to get a lot drunker. 

Plus, for my degree to read "Texas A&M" for the major I'm in is a big ass deal, whether you haters like it or not.'s not ALL bad for us Aggies.

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