Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Seinfeldian Mock Draft '11 - Chives's Big Board

Like most of you, I spent about 5 hours listening to 1560TheGame's big event today, the Seinfeldian Mock Draft. Every year, it feels bigger and just sounds more cohesive and fluid. This year had a lot of picks that cracked me up, including, but not limited to:
  • Frank Bullington picking the word "Fuck" 
  • Hatchetman drafting Tugjobs
  • David Nuno with the people's pick - first the epic shoutout, then the Release from Houston's Cursed Sports Teams
  • Brian Beckner entertained with the drafting of Texas
  • The nerds Tyson Mosley and Chance going after The Force
It's kind of hard to listen to something like this for 4 years, and NOT have some good ideas of your own. Especially if you're this guy - stoned and hopped up on caffeine at the same time - the mental pistol just shoots off rounds like I was some kind of cop in a major American city. I really think that a lot of what my mind conjures up (or perceives) as funny, is only funny to me. However, Twitter has shown me that there are always like-minded assholes like me, laughing at jokes about AIDS and Jews.

So here it is, in no particular order:
    •    Soul Power
    •    A puppy's ability to pull really hot girls
    •    The info stolen from the Playstation Network breach
    •    Barack Obama's Birth Certificate
    •    Gordon Gecko
    •    The Russian from "Rounders"
    •    The rape scene from "Pulp Fiction"
    •    Racial Slurs
    •    John McCain's Birth Certificate
    •    The Deepwater Horizon
    •    Auburn's dying tree
    •    Synergy
    •    The porn section…of anywhere/anything
    •    Stevie Wonder's sight

I had MANY more potential draft picks, but I can't give all my good ideas to you degenerates. This is just a taste of the Miami Heat-like roster that I could put together. This is my BENCH squad. I could out-pick the Patriots in the draft game if I had a beer. I am unstoppable on alcohol, but I saves da drinkin for special occasions dohhhhh (AKA a weekend in Houston).

BTW...I dont give a fuck if Frank Bullington drafted weed...I AM THE WEED. Do you remember Hakeem Olajuwan as a Toronto Raptor, or the Houston FUCKING Rocket that he will ALWAYS be in the hearts and minds of The PEOPLE. Sorry Frank, time to pass the reigns to a new pair of Guerrilla Lungs. THAT SAID, I can't express how awesomely constructed @FBullington's SMD roster is. Brilliant. It's almost too simple, but then again that's what makes something great (coughAPPLEcough).

I may make a post commentating my big board, and the 32 picks altogether. We'll see.


  1. I like information stolen in PS breach. You can have the rape scene.
    I had weed wrapped up two years agp as my first pick and Frank took it right out from under me.

  2. Oh man. I would be devastated if that was me. I'd say you made up for it by drafting ecstasy, though. Weed not being the team captain of my roster has GOT to be fucking with the space-time continuum.

    I chose the rape scene for one reason: It can make any situation awkward, and I'm all about that shit, son. No matter what, watching two hillbillies tag-team rape a gangster black guy...well...that's enough to fuck anyone's day up. #WIN