Wednesday, May 18, 2011

My First Poop at the Station: A Love Story

I never, and I truly stress never, like to have to take a shit in a public bathroom. The only scenario worse than taking a shit in a public bathroom, is a stranger's presence to make the gross act more awkward. 

The universal feeling among all of us is this: no one ever wanted to take a shit in the high school bathroom. Actually, fuck taking any kind of shit, at any level of grade school. Kids finding out you were the kid dropping the raunchy crap during third would be over for you that semester. Now that I'm 21, this scenario applies to a couple different environments now: Texas A&M's campus and any place of business.

As you all know, I have recently started an internship with the station 1560AM. The last thing I wanted to do (in addition to smoking pot and ranting) was be "Shit Guy." This place tends to have a reputation of labeling people "______ Guy."

Also as many of you know, I ate a Five Guys burger on Monday that has absolutely dominated my stomach and LIFE. I have never felt so shitty from eating something over this long of a period. This has led to me forgetting what solid turd feels like. I miss that. Those poops were so….efficient. NOW?! I don't even piss anymore….Actually, yes I do - but not from my cockhole.

NOW….we are set up for the horribly awkward liquid poop I just laid down at the station's bathroom. Not only was there another guy in the bathroom, he was taking a shit (or so I thought, turns out he never even took a piss while I was there; no flush, no signs of feces tampering). So I set up the paper barrier between my goodies and the shitter, and SLOWLY unleash the brown demon. As the smelly Niagra Falls begins to flow, the guy next to me, a button from his suit or something falls and rolls over to my stall. 

My reaction? I say outloud, "oh, shit".

He got up and left, without washing his fucking hands. Cherry on top of several layers of anal lubrication I left behind. 

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