If one more person asks me to donate to a natural disaster relief fund, I'm going to create a weather machine that destroys nothing but their home. Fuck, people. We're all adults here, we see this every year. Your shock and awe has the attention span of a 10 year old video game fanatic with a daily diet of Cinnamon Toast Crunch and Pepsi.
Aren't we used to this shit by now? Welcome to Planet Earth. Funny how the illegal aliens are the only ones who aren't surprised by it.
This is the world in which we live in. Tornadoes and earthquakes and tsunamis and mother-in-laws have been making life really fucking hard since the beginning of time. Yes, it is tragic and it sucks. If you care, send money, send supplies, donate blood and tell your friends. Act like an grown-up about it.
Here's what not to do: freak out like you've never seen anything like this before and cry about it. Can we please stop acting like this is an anomaly? It happens everywhere, all the time. Hell, even FEMA isn't prepared.
It's as if the planet is against us and we can't understand why things like this are happening. You wouldn't move to the North Pole and be shocked over the snowfall and occasional reindeer rapings. Please stop acting like a Midwest tornado is an incomprehensible occurrence.
Oh, and stop Tweeting every five minutes about where to donate. If I wanted to, I'm sure I could figure it out. Nobody is just staring at their Twitter feed waiting, hoping, for the 1-800 number so they can pull the trigger.
You ain't a saint. You're bored.