Monday, June 20, 2011

Drunk on Patriotism: Wisdom of an Iranian-American

American adults are not at all like mine. The older I get, the clearer it is to me how differently I was raised compared to the average American. For example, most parents don't condone physical punishment against their kids, hardly even spanking. Um…not the case with my family. I was beaten in every imaginable environment, with every piece of weaponry, and for doing just about anything. Cussed? Beatdown. Bad grade? Beatdown. Talk back?! HUGE beatdown. 

Don't get my parents wrong, that's just how they were raised in the Wild Wild Middle East. Here in America, kids DEMAND shit from their parents. It's absolutely REMARKABLE how much leeway kids have with their parents that I never had and frankly, can't understand. Any level of comfort my parents have with my American-ness is due to me forcing it down their throats. My parents used to be shocked when they heard of teen pregnancy and drug scandals and whatever else we've made social norms in our country. That shit still confuses them, yet we have a show called "16 & Pregnant." Parents are completely ok with their 8 year old daughter, ready to fuck Justin Bieber. Girls that are literally half my age dress sluttier than girls I date. Thanks Disney, for using the Jonas Brothers as sexual objects to sink your greedy nails into families' wallets. Everyday American parents give in to whatever stupid ass gimmick and trend that their stupid ass kid saw on ABC Family. When I was a kid, Nickelodeon actually showed cartoons: Rocko's Modern Life, Doug, Hey Arnold, Rugrats, ect. Now all those stations have live-action sitcoms with kids who act and dress older than me. Stop letting your fucking kids watch this shit. 

Another thing about older Americans: they still drink and cuss and smoke cancer sticks, no matter how many wrinkles or grey hairs. I have barely seen or heard my dad do any of the above activities, but most kids are raised around that. Not necessarily to their detriment, but it's something I realized not too long ago. Does having an alcoholic parent increase the likelihood that a child will pick that habit/addiction up? Science says yes. My point here is, I go out to bars and see people in their 40s and 50s, and they're drinking everyone under the table, cussing like sailors and running through packs of cigarettes. The average middle eastern adult would die during a white adult's typical Tuesday afternoon. Hell, my mom has never had a sip of alcohol in her entire life, nor a puff of any kind of smoke. 

Further Investigating the Differences:

My parents NEVER mentioned their political, religious, or social stances on any topics until I was in college (at which point I had my own). Never did my highly religious mom tell me I have to be or should be a Muslim. Never did my dad say, "this is a democratic family." I disagree with them LOTS of stuff, because I am in individual. The all too common tradition of Americans raising their kids to be on their respective team is stupid, wrong, and un-American. You know why the people of Iran (yes…even IRAN) have had general unrest? It's because the older generation didn't spend the last 30 years brainwashing the youth…they allowed the youth to grow on their own and look at the result: the majority of the country has a more progressive attitude and supports change of regime from the Islamic Republic, to a more democratic form of governance. It's very rare that ANYone my age has their own opinions, and even more rare to find that kind of person in the South.

This leads me to the MAJOR difference between the two cultures…Americans have this tendency to force their opinions and worldviews onto their children from an early age. They take their kids to church and Jesus camps, tell them which politician to like/hate, tell them what to think when they hear the word "abortion", ect…it is the saddest thing Americans do. We all complain about countries in the Middle East brainwashing generations into hating old enemies, but what the fuck are people doing here? American kids who can't tell you left from right, feel like George Bush was the greatest leader in the history of the world. Why? Because their pappy told em so. If you're gonna talk that shit, I will probe that ass to find out if it's your opinion, or some pundit on Fox News/your mammy and pappy. 

Closing Thoughts:

My parents are BY FAR the best that have ever lived. My mom and dad have been through it all for my brother and I to be able to live the way we do and to be healthy. None of my success or positivity can be attributed to anything or anybody else, other than my parents. And that is another giant difference between me and my peers. American kids feel that they are entitled to a new iPhone every year, they think they're entitled to their expensive wardrobes and fads. 

I'm not bashing American adults by any stretch of the imagination, I'm just saying that their approach is so different and foreign. Also, I am NOT saying that American-raised people are all this way...obviously I'm speaking to my experiences and interpretations. I was born and raised in Texas, you'd think this stuff would have been obvious from a younger age. I noticed more and more cultural differences with each passing year. It's hard for me to digest the differences sometimes, but most times I just get upset seeing how ignorant and stupid my generation is. We have fucking iPhones. We have the Internet pretty much every where. Kids don't use this for anything other than texting and Facebook, and it makes me fucking sick. Your offspring don't have to be conformed zombies. Unfortunately, my generation will continue the trend of brainwashing, thus fueling the broken systems and institutions we have in our great nation. 

Want to solve a lot of our problems? Then realize we are living in 2011. Let the gays marry each other already. Stop the drug war. End American imperialism and colonization. Reform the election process and campaigning process. The list goes on and on…just use common fucking sense.


  1. Why not bash American adults? They're directly responsible for the generation of spoiled, bratty, self-entitled assholes that are amongst us every day.

    One day, not too long ago, parents elected to be "cool" instead of "parents".

    This is why you felt the need to write this post.

  2. That IS who I was blaming in conjunction with the kids. I see it as I was aware enough to realize that I should be a morally sound adult. I also realize that kids my age stopped growing mentally after they saw their first pair of tits.

    So yeah, the parents should know better. They complain about Family Guy and this and that, but never take accountability for their own retarded spoiled brats. It's absolutely more on them than anyone.

    From a young age all the way to now, I have been reminded and humbled by my parents. Americans have failed at teaching the next generation that a credit-lubricated economy and WiFi are LUXURIES, and not normal ways of living. That, my friend, I completely agree with. I wish it would have came through more...

  3. I do agree that American Parents push their beliefs on kids and dont promote accepting others for their differences. This is supposed to be the so called melting pot, the land of the diverse and yet the majority did not accept me because I was muslim and Iranian. Due to the hostage crisis in the early 80's, my brothers got shit also. Your parents are not the norm about the beliefs thing for our culture. The joke about persian parents is that they only want their kids to be doctors, lawyers, or engineers. My parents instilled in me a lot of persian pride and I knew we were a muslim household and most importantly I knew what Islam said. However the reason I am muslim is on my own. I know what Christianity says and it is not my cup of tea. I have a brother and an older sister who converted to christianity. the brother is a minister and was kicked out of our house when I was a young because of his desires to be a minister. I am not the most religious muslim in the world. I dont pray and I drink and smoke also. I do fast and I do not eat pork. My mom still tries to get me to pray to this day and I am 27.

    The election and campaigning process is ridiculous. I dont see the point of voting in the state of Texas because Texas will be republican for the next 100 years. I have voted in the Iranian election when I was 16. I have never voted in the American one and I have been old enough for the last 2(Bush vs Kerry and obama vs McCain)

  4. Wait, I misunderstood Hood the first time. I kind of already answered correctly the first time, when I say that American kids around my age (18-24) have all the resources and capability to be better than conformed retards, but chose to the lazy route - accepting status quo.

  5. I grew up in a small town but moved away when I turned 18. So it's been 20 years since I've lived in that environment. One of the first things I noticed on FB was how rigidly small minded the people I had grown up were. It truly saddened me to see how they had turned out. My friends who had gotten out of that environment and experienced the diversity of cities were much more progressive in their thinking.

    This is not exclusive to small towns by any means. My inlaws are as small minded as anyone I've met and they live in San Antonio. Unfortunately, my sister in law is a school principal. I'm trying to raise my kids to be disciplined, free thinkers who are tolerant of cultures unlike their own. I do not want them to be tolerant of dumb assery though.

  6. I agree that American kids take their resources for granted and their opportunities for granted. In Iran it is harder to get in college and at 18 years old they have to decide what field to go to. I just don't agree that Iranian parents not pushing their beliefs on their kids. I think Iranian kids are more open minded to look for alternatives and not take their parents word as gospel. It has nothing to do with you not being in my age group. We had some similar circumstances in that our parents being religious and our moms not touching alcohol or cigs.

  7. Yeah, Chive, in your bold sentence in your second to last paragraph, you say you're not bashing American parents. My first comment suggests "why not? You should."


  8. I feel you, a lot of good American parents are reading, I wanted to make sure that they didn't necessarily feel offended. Unless they are guilty of course.

  9. "None of my success or positivity can be attributed to anything or anybody else, other than my parents."

    Two points. 1) You're positive? I thought you tweeted that you were back to bare-backing male hookers after the doc said you weren't AIDSy? 2) Success? You went to A&M. I'll hang up and listen.